Author Archives: dimlostmopeyfire

Comfort is an interesting thing. Should we aim to be comfortable? Should we aim to minimize it? Do we choose to do so? Is being comfortable good? The answer isn’t so simple, is it? Some people will never be comfortable no matter where they go, some choose comfort over everything else. The answer is probablyContinue reading “Comfort Zones”

In Taylor Swift’s “State of Grace” (Red Taylor’s Version just came out), she describes a relationship that should never work. One that’s broken, unfair, and seemingly bound to end, but preaches a “State of Grace” where this balance seemingly appears. My take on this is quite an interesting thought. If you see people as ratherContinue reading “Exiting a State of Grace”

It’s that time of year again. A day of dread and self-loathing. This time I’m turning 19, it’s a little less momentous than last time, but still, doesn’t feel great. One year older, one year closer to death. Another year, another year of failed expectations. I don’t know, this year I felt like I’ve grownContinue reading “Happy Self-loathing Day!”

Things I want before January 1st, 2022. Submit 100 Job Applications Progress towards a new research project in a space I’m really interested in (includes more reading, formulation & experimentation. WRITE MORE CODE) Accountable progress for MPR w/ sights to publish in the new year Get back on the leetcode train & review the necessaryContinue reading “accountability”

Sometimes I feel like I can never find another that matches my personality, habits, and likes so well. It’s difficult to imagine another relationship or another person that I can be so in love with. I have a strong inkling that it isn’t true and it’s just a thought in my head that’s fucking withContinue reading “finding anew”

I don’t know what it is, but this week I feel really trapped in the past. Maybe it’s the movie 中国合伙人 that discussed many themes of “青春.” Maybe today I just want to relive the happy times again. Maybe it’s because I lay here convinced that those happy times may never come again. So today,Continue reading “feeling a little trapped in the past”

Sometimes I feel like I’ve done so much more than everyone else, it’s just that no one ever takes notice or cares. Sometimes is I wonder it’s because I care so much and constantly push forward that nothing ever goes for me. Sometimes it feels like that the more I care, the more likely thingsContinue reading “feeling like you’ve done so much”

Heartache is not a feeling new to me. That tightness in my stomach that I can only describe as heartache, comes and goes daily at this point. It comes from thinking of the past, the present, and the future. Listening to old music and reliving old memories and emotions are the strongest sources of thisContinue reading “a vague feeling of heartache”

Why is anyone anywhere? Here can be defined in many different ways. I’m here I exist. I’m here on this Earth. I’m here at school. I’m here in my classes. I’m here in my room. I’m here in my body, in my flesh. I’m here in my mind writing this.