what i have to offer

Being surrounded by a lot of relationships flying around is quite interesting. My own “singleness” and a struggle to meet new people. My friends are also getting into their own relationships for the first time and facing their own barriers. Some breakups here and there as well. It’s all just made me think about my own worth/value.

Sometimes I feel like I give people too much credit, but maybe it’s because I feel tied to the spot that I am in.

I feel like I have nothing to offer in a relationship. Or at least I don’t know if anyone will see value in what I have to bring anymore.

A big piece of this stems from the way I look. Sometimes I feel okay with my face and everything, but most of the time it’s a simple abhoration. I don’t think I am very attractive. Plain and simple. I’m of average height (in asian countries, so where I live below average) and honestly don’t have that much to offer in the appearance department.

My goals in life right now also don’t align very well with relationship life. I’m very focused on reaching my own goals and honestly that sometimes means cutting the “distraction.” It’s very hard for me to balance the amount of time and effort that I want to put into a relationship and maintain a strong sense of progress towards where I want my life to go. Sometimes this means that a partner that I care deeply about can feel left alone, which is something I can do unintentionally. It’s something I loathe about myself. If only I could just accept being average or something.

More than that I think I’m pretty boring in general. I don’t have many hobbies, or many things I care about. Life pretty much consists of class and grind.

My personality is not the most sparkly or bubbly. In fact, I often hate social gatherings. I think drinking is pointless, and I don’t like doing traditionally fun things. Why would anyone want to hang out with me?

I’m responsible and dependable, but does anyone less than the age of 20 actually care?

Why would anyone want to date me?

I don’t have money. I don’t have personality. I’m not fun. There are things that will probably be more important than you for a while. I over-stress. You have to deal with high emotional baggage.

Honestly, that’s all I have to offer. It’s probably better to just not.