the worse things get

the worse things get, the worse I get about doing things.

The things that I’m easily capable of getting done are done in no time at all. The mild challenges may take a bit of pushing, but they get done too. For some reason the harder things get, the less I work on it at all (until the last minute). As you can tell, the hard and great things, never really succeed.

Sometimes when things that are supposed to go right…. don’t, I just kind of want to die. Maybe not literally die, but like lay on my bed and make it all go away type of die. It fills all aspects of my life and makes all good things wash into the back burner. Nothing gets done when this happens. It ruins good workflows and makes me feel guilty and stressed about losing them. The bad makes the worse makes the horrendous makes the failure.

I still haven’t figured how to get out of this. As a foundation in STEM, not many things pose challenges to me at the moment, so I get away with a lot of bullshit. I’m really too easy on myself. I’m weak. Still am. *sigh.

Life is a long road, and I sure as hell got a long way to go. If I’m to be broken down by such trivial things, I worry about my future and my goals.

It’s a time or something. Will it ever change, we hope or something. My natural energy level is just low sometimes. It’s disappointing.